Fireworks are stupid.

Ninety-plus percent of them aren’t that great, are too quiet or too loud, or whistle like mosquitos. Close to fifteen percent of consumer fireworks fizzle and fail to properly explode, either fizzling at the ignition point or before delivering their payload.

Professional fireworks are more carefully manufactured – in fact, many of the companies make their own, buying only raw materials and producing fantastic and colorful explosions. But even these get boring after a few views: the show start slowly, with large and loud fireworks interspersed with others to build tension and it rockets towards a cacophonic finale that has no rhythm and goes on for far too long and then abruptly ends without a denouement. It’s not a relationship; it’s paying a whore for your jollies.

To add further complication to our story as a nation, the fourth has little to do with independence. The United States officially seceded on the second when the Continental Congress made their binding resolution. On the fourth of July, they finally approved and signed the Declaration of Independence. If that is what we were ostensibly celebrating I wouldn’t mind at all – it’s about time some good writing had its own holiday. But the fact that we seem hell-bent on rewriting history before it has even faded is disturbing. The facts get twisted a bit and then they become common knowledge and are passed down in the education system. There’s a book called Lies my Teacher Told Me, it’s mostly overblown, but the details are disturbing when you start keeping track of how many inaccuracies are presented as fact, especially to children who then continue to pass it on as fact: there was no cherry tree, T. Jefferson owned slaves, the Founding Fathers weren’t Christians (some were, most were agnostics or deists), etc.

If our country is so great why are we practicing Soviet-level sanitizing of the narrative. Isn’t it more powerful and inspiring that despite everyone’s flaws this is a pretty good place to live, with significant levels of freedom never before enjoyed by such a large group of people? Isn’t that a better story to “sell” democracy globally?

I went to a friend’s house and we had flank steak tacos, homemade salsas and guacamole, and many beers per person. We sat around, played some bags¹, and talked. As the sun set there was a fire and then the neighbors started their fireworks display. At the low end I’d estimate that the one set of people dropped over $500 on their fireworks – but these weren’t the ridiculous, dangerous, buy from the shady meth-addicts right off the highway fireworks. These were low-grade professional jobs – a “whomp” when they launched and a rise of several hundred feet before a massive explosion (for a neighborhood). Two of the attendees said this homespun display was better than the one the city put on the night before. It was probably cheaper and they had a good time doing it. We had a good time watching it, especially for the price.

Just a group of people celebrating freedom by choosing not to do what’s normal. We didn’t have the Boss or Poison cranking at full volume while we tried to explode each other’s hands, we didn’t drink until we were stupid or end up running from the cops, nobody’s house burned down². We just hung out and were human.

At almost midnight, as we were joking about the firework launchers stamina and pocketbook size (two hours of intermittent explosions!), a neighbor started screaming out her window, voice cracking with the strain, “Some people are trying to sleeeeep! The cops have been caaaaalllled! Why are you so horrrrrible!” We all shook our heads in amazement. The fourth of July was on a Saturday night, most people don’t have work in the morning, the neighborhood is usually pretty quiet and it’s been a rough year for many people: what’s the problem with one night of blowing off steam? There were never any sirens, even though I’m positive that (throughout the night) the cops probably rolled through a few times and gave a warning from their car before driving away. After all, what were they going to do, arrest people for celebrating Independence?

[UPDATE: Apparently I start feeling this way every year – confused about my country, which I love, and its citizens, who frequently I don’t, and their bizarre relationship to one another. “O brave new world, | That has such people in’t!”³

¹ A uniquely Wisconsin/Minnesota game. Two inclined ramps (three feet long or so, about 30º) with a hole cut near the top set about thirty feet apart. Three beanbags per two-person team. One side (one person of each team) alternates throwing and then scores and then the other side goes. A bag in the hole is worth three points, one on the board is one point and points cancel out (so if I drop a bag in the hole and you get two on the board, I get net one point). The game’s over at fifteen or, rarely, twenty-one. It’s a great game for the backyard and anyone can make the equipment. As a bonus the game can be played drunk and if anyone tries to use the parts as weapons, beanbags are rarely fatal and the boards are too unwieldy to loft. Everyone wins, except the losers.

² There was an incident with a sparkler that involved “how far will this fly?”, lofting said, lit, sparkler, and “Oh shit, it hit the house!” and “The bush is on fire!” but it only burned the dead leaves at the base of the bush and didn’t even scorch the house, right next to where the baby was sleeping, so after some gentle ribbing the topic was dropped. Until we decided to bring it up again, over and over and over.

³ The Tempest, Act V, Scene I – William Shakespeare (but you knew that, right?)